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So Far, So Good.. Sort Of

EVERYTHING thus far in school is going well. For the most part. Mornings are a tad bit bumpy here at home. The usual grumpiness, and slight attitude in the voice. He had been non-compliant as of late in regards to getting a move on and ensuring he got everything accomplished, including medicine.

So he went to school without medication for two days last week. That’s on him. I have decided to not fight him. It’s HIS problem, not mine. Let the school call CPS on me for not drugging my kid.

I’m not fighting him in the morning anymore. I have OTHER kids to attend to and ready for school besides him. And I’m not up to having myself kicked, hit, punched and screamed at abusively anymore.

He is now in Fifth Grade. He needs to act like it. That includes making sure that BEFORE he leaves the house, to take his medicine. Or not being passive-aggressive when I mention the fact he needs to take it.

*Wander with me over at FOR THE LOVE OF BLOGS and join in the fun!*

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And so he got approved…Sorta.

Finally. I had received the “Pre-Authorization” notice for Bryce to go to Day Treatment Day Camp for the summer. I had practically crawled up his Case Manager’s hind end as to know when I was to get the paper work. After several weeks asking about this paperwork to fill out, she FINALLY tells me that Medicaid is “doing things different this year and pre-authing” the clients”. Nice! Thanks for telling me after WEEKS of speculation.

So, I get my copy in the mail last week. He got approved alright! For “Mental Health Partial Hospitalization” due to it being “Medically Necessary And Approved as Requested”.

Stupid insurance formalities! I am NOT placing my kid in a Psych Ward. He is going to be in a Summer Camp with other kids with problems and disabilities as he too has.

In the Day Treatment Day Camp setting, they not only do fun things like crafts and go to various places. They learn the tools (or are re-taught, if they have “forgotten”) to help them have better social and behavioral skills. And they even receive therapy on-site at least once a week. And they learn how to better form and interact in friendships.

Most of these kids don’t have any real friends. Why? Because of their “quirks”, like being so short tempered, their ability to ramble on about one certain thing, not letting others speak or they get cut off because our kids have yet to master the social cues of when to “talk and when to shut up”. Or they have visible tics that scare other kids from interacting with the one affected.

At least at the Day Treatment Day Camp, EVERYONE is equal. There is no shunning. They feel safe and comfortable. And if their “quirks” decide to shine, that’s okay. Even the negative ones. But they will get assistance in trying to “deal” with the more negative aspects of the times where being good is just a little bit more hard than most days for them.

But one little hitch is still in the plan. Where in the world is my paperwork to OFFICIALLY place him in to the Summer Camp? I guess I will get to make the lovely call (again!) to ask his (new..as in new to being one) Case Manager once more about getting the papers to fill out and give permission to be in the Day Treatment setting.

It’s only about two weeks away. So they best give me my papers to sign. Or else, if she cannot do her job properly, I will have to report her to Bryce’s old CM, who is now in charge of the CM staffing.

And I REALLY hate “tattling” on people, only to get them in to trouble. But by golly! They need to do their job and do it in a TIMELY manner. Yes, there are other kids besides mine that they help and I duly understand this. But I appreciate equal time and concern for my kid as well, along with the other patients.

Monday, Monday..

Well, I can say it hasn’t happened for a while. But when it does, it can be pretty bad. And yesterday was no exception to the rule.

There are days where Bryce just all out snaps. Like a proverbial twig. And it can happen at ANY moment, over even the most seemingly of mundane of things.

This happened to be over something his older sister had said and the fact he wasn’t “first” for the computer. From there, it was all out war.

After he said what he did, which in turn made her cry as she hid in the bathroom (she is my first from a previous marriage), I said he owed her an apology, and that there would be no computer.

Then, finally he DID apologize but EXPECTED to still get computer time. Nope! So this again sent him over the edge. He started stomping, screaming at the top of his lungs, lashing out (literally) at his sisters (even though the youngest did NOTHING to him).

Finally his physically violent temper tantrum came to a head as he screamed bloody murder. That’s when I had to use a technique that I haven’t used in quite a while.

A bear hug. And believe me, for being so tiny looking, he is hell on wheels to hold when his mental state goes in to high gear like this.

It took me all I had to hold him from behind, as he struggled to break free of me as he squirmed, banged the back of his head at me and was kicking to get free.

As he kept on, I told him I REFUSED to let go until he stopped the screaming, crying, hitting and kicking. I have to be VERY specific of what I want from him in these times of “frustration”.

After about three minutes of the hold (at least I think it was only three minutes, but who’s counting?) Bryce had calmed down enough to let him go. But before I did, I again had to reiterate that he indeed was NOT getting computer time, and if he went in to a tangent again, that I again would INDEED place him in another bear hug.

Later on in the day, he said (being I was giving him a Vyvanse break for the day, but it does NOT control his mood and volatile side, just the problems with the ADHD like attention and focus) that being he did not have his medicine, that he lost his “control”.

This has been an on-going battle/issue with us. Bryce has brought himself to believe that ONLY with his medication, can he “be a good boy”, that it’s NOT in HIS control to do so, but his medicines’ control.

This scares me. A lot. And all of the time. I sound like a broken record at this point, when I tell him that it is NOT the medicines that make him have self control, but BRYCE (as in HIMSELF) that has the self control capability.

But his mind has been self-taught to BELIEVE that without the medicines, he is not in control of his own self, or is responsible for his negative actions, behaviors, thoughts or words.

So, now I’m at a crossroad. Which way do I turn? I highly suspect at this point, he is ADDICTED to at least one of his medicines. He can’t seem to “live” without them now. And at nine years old, that is NOT a good sign to me.

We are to see his Psychiatrist on Friday. And I indeed plan on broaching this problem. I’m very tempted to start taking away the medications. At least temporarily. Even if it means committing him to do so, as to keep all involved safe, so that they can see what exact drug of the three is the root of the problem.

While the medications DO work and ARE helping (to a great extent), Bryce HAS TO realize that it is NOT the drugs’ job to make him “be a good kid”, but himself.

Sometimes, I wonder why him… And this is certainly one of those time.